Party Noob

If you’re throwing a big bash, things can tend to get out of hand. Sometimes, someone might just act a fool, set afire the afghan nana knitted for your 10th birthday and your significant other can get*tricked* into mowing a half-pan of special brownies and throwing up all over the walls.

But is that any reason for the boys in blue to call it a night for everyone?

Let’s keep ‘em at bay.

1. Don’t call them! Sounds like common sense, but if you got an ex-couple swinging knives at each other, throw the other half pan of special brownies at them. That’ll get them laughing like old times.

2. Invite the neighbors – If there’s one thing that will get the party shut down early, it’s not inviting your neighbors. They may be lame, they may be 40, but extend the invite and write down the phone numbers of the people in the house so they can call YOU before the po-po.

3. Keep the windows closed – This one might be better said than done and reserved for the winter time. Closing the windows will keep down on noise leaking into the neighborhood.

4. Get a permit – If you’re going to have a band, buck up and let The MAN know. If they do come, they’re bound to cut you a little slack before sending everyone home.

5. Keep smokers off the front porch – Noise travels. Even when people insist their being quiet, drunken whispers soon turn into “huh?” “What did you say?” “WHAT?!!?!?” and then it’s all “blip, blip, blip.”

6. Black out the windows – Keep the laser light show in the party planetarium. Put up cardboard or dark curtains over the windows and keep from lighting up the streets.

7. Install a revolving door – Doors that constantly open and close can be treacherous in winter time and summer alike. For one, the heat escapes in winter, and in summer, it’s all about the noise. If you have a sliding doorwall out back, send people through there – that is until someone really goes through it. Then you might want to call an ambulance.

8. Keep the goats on a leash - Drop the dog off with your significant other’s computer lab partner. Remove the barks and you’ll significantly reduce your decibels.

9. Stick your neck out for your underage homies – The next to last thing you want occuring is one of your younger bud’s moms storming the front gate. Head her off at the pass by posing as a bible study leader and memorize Revelations so you can quote a few verses. It’s a pretty bitchin’ book.

10. INVITE THEM! - Remember that kid in high school who always read gun magazines in world studies class? He’s a cop now! Facebook him and get him to the party. If the fuzz show up, have him flash his shiny cracker jack medal and you’re back in business.

Are marker parties and toga throwdowns out-of-style? Looking for something with more bite?

Get on board with a werewolf party!

L. Vincent Poupard rolls out this idea for Associated Content.

First things first, when do you throw this one? During a full moon! Check your lunar calendar and mark the date.

And here’s how to do it:

You can either have everyone dress up as a werewolf, or you can choose one person in particular to be the werewolf. This can make the party into a party that is similar to a murder mystery. The goal of the guests is to determine who the previously selected werewolf is.

You can act as a main character who can help the guests, and deter them from finding out who the actual werewolf is. Many guests will remember this for years.

Check Poupard’s article for more ideas.

Anyone can stand on their head for a kegstand and then puke all over themselves. Learn some real party tricks.

Mindfreak sorcerer Criss Angel  has got a secret to drop all the jaws at the party – the disappearing TOOTHPICK!!!! Dun Dun Dunnnn.

[metacafe]http://www.metacafe.com/watch/104102/criss_angels_party_trick/[/metacafe]

Hey homies. I know you all don’t all have a ton of money. NEITHER DO I!

And I bet you got someone to impress right? Like that hottie from the Ambercrombie store? Lame. But whatever, you have to get them talking to you with a straight face and convince them you know what high society is!

One way to solve the situation that is to drink on the cheap. You don’t lose a whole lot of money and you end up forgetting your dead broke and the Ambercrombie clerk is looking at you funny.

And here’s how to do it: Gin & Tonic.

Not only can you get smashed for pennies, er, dollars, but you get to show a little class.

Here’s what you need to do:
1. Get a glass.
3. Throw in some rocks (ice)
3. Pour two oz. of Gin into it. (get a alcohol strainer and count to 2, that’ll do ya)
4. Pour in three oz. of tonic water.

If you want to stay in the bottom of the barrel, pick up a bottle of Seagrams, not Seagrams 7, we’re talking lowest shelf here. It might even come in a plastic bottle.

You can also pick up a 2-liter bottle of crappy tonic water at Wal-Mart for about $0.89 – How can you beat that.

All in all, you can live the high life for under $10.

Tip: If you can’t handle the snap, crackle and pop of the soda, squeeze in a lemon or lime wedge. You’ll think your drinking Sprite in no time. Now, that’s sublymonal!

You got margarita mix and a bottle of tequila with a worm at the bottom. But how are you going to make the seniors and senoritas shake their cha-chas on a skimpy budget?

getcrafty.com forum readers help out a former dorm dweller on how to spice up the night.

Here’s some of the top tips:

1. Hit up the dollar store. They got you on the balloons and possibly the plastic cups. But beware packs of paper plates and napkins because they tend to be smaller than those at the grocery store.

2. Go to Trader Joe’s and pick up a bottle of 2 buck chuck, aka Charles Shaw wine.

3. NEVER provide the alcohol. Is everyone a bum at your party? If yes, they can at least go beg for some change and bring back 40s.

4. Start your party after 9 p.m. That way, guests can’t expect you to feed their cheap asses. If they’re hungry, send them for burritos and tell them to bring you back one,

5. Need decorations? Buy in bulk from Oriental Trading Company or Rhode Island Novelty. Buy a box of a million glowsticks for $50 and save on lighting costs. Booyah!

Hey hey folks,

It’s time to get up and get down. You want to throw a party! You want music, girls, guys, hook-ups, awkward facebook photos, drinks, food, music, hangovers, clogged toilets, calls to mom, visits by the police, burned carpet, unhinged bathroom doors tossed in a fire your friends started in the street in front of your house!

So how do you get started??!?!

Party Noob drinks the elixer of public debauchery and spits it all over your face. Get party ideas, drink recipes, chugging contests and all-around strategies to blow up your block.

It’s time to open the pleasuredome–er, the basement of your condemned-after-next-semester row house. Pop the top of your favorite brew and get down with your bad self (and other people, too).

Holla!