Party Noob

Not enough fruit in your diet? Is that why you’re always drinking the Fru-Fru drinks. good god Billy, act like a man.

If you have to drink Fru-Fru, here’s something that won’t break the bank and will tickle your tastebuds.

Try the “Cheap Date,” a drink that scored a 9.3 out of 10 on DrinkNation.com.

Ingredients= Vodka, Cranberry juice, Grenadine and orange juice.

They have it all measured out, but I know it doesn’t matter to you because you most likely only have vodka and orange juice. That’s why this drink is best made at your parents house. They probably have this crap in the pantry.

If you’re going to go out and buy that stuff, keep it in your budget.

I wouldn’t go all top shelf like they suggest. Veer away from the Absolut citron. You can hook it up with Schmirnoff lemon twist or whatever or just go to the half-gallon of Five o’clock and squirt some lemon juice into it.

Grenadine is mere pennies, so snatch up a bottle. You can get more use out of it during Halloween time when you squirt it on little kids coming to your door.

“That’s blood, kid! I bottled it from your dog”

They love it when you tell them that. I mean, it’s Halloween, why not?

Total cost: around $15

Race car drivers have their hunnies waiting at the finish lines, pro basketball players have their actress gfs waving rocks on the sidelines. But what about getting ladies more involved with the sports that really matter.

We’re talking quarters here. And although it has been paraded as a solo-sport, the time to use the help of the hotties has come.

Before you’re challenged to a game of Couples Quarters, get some ideas from this kid and his gf.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k37oyAQ7Atw&mode=related&search=[/youtube]

Kudos to YouTube uploader drxblog.

Not enough impressive quarters shots? Check out this video:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSglNe5q4LE[/youtube]

If you’re throwing a big bash, things can tend to get out of hand. Sometimes, someone might just act a fool, set afire the afghan nana knitted for your 10th birthday and your significant other can get*tricked* into mowing a half-pan of special brownies and throwing up all over the walls.

But is that any reason for the boys in blue to call it a night for everyone?

Let’s keep ‘em at bay.

1. Don’t call them! Sounds like common sense, but if you got an ex-couple swinging knives at each other, throw the other half pan of special brownies at them. That’ll get them laughing like old times.

2. Invite the neighbors – If there’s one thing that will get the party shut down early, it’s not inviting your neighbors. They may be lame, they may be 40, but extend the invite and write down the phone numbers of the people in the house so they can call YOU before the po-po.

3. Keep the windows closed – This one might be better said than done and reserved for the winter time. Closing the windows will keep down on noise leaking into the neighborhood.

4. Get a permit – If you’re going to have a band, buck up and let The MAN know. If they do come, they’re bound to cut you a little slack before sending everyone home.

5. Keep smokers off the front porch – Noise travels. Even when people insist their being quiet, drunken whispers soon turn into “huh?” “What did you say?” “WHAT?!!?!?” and then it’s all “blip, blip, blip.”

6. Black out the windows – Keep the laser light show in the party planetarium. Put up cardboard or dark curtains over the windows and keep from lighting up the streets.

7. Install a revolving door – Doors that constantly open and close can be treacherous in winter time and summer alike. For one, the heat escapes in winter, and in summer, it’s all about the noise. If you have a sliding doorwall out back, send people through there – that is until someone really goes through it. Then you might want to call an ambulance.

8. Keep the goats on a leash - Drop the dog off with your significant other’s computer lab partner. Remove the barks and you’ll significantly reduce your decibels.

9. Stick your neck out for your underage homies – The next to last thing you want occuring is one of your younger bud’s moms storming the front gate. Head her off at the pass by posing as a bible study leader and memorize Revelations so you can quote a few verses. It’s a pretty bitchin’ book.

10. INVITE THEM! - Remember that kid in high school who always read gun magazines in world studies class? He’s a cop now! Facebook him and get him to the party. If the fuzz show up, have him flash his shiny cracker jack medal and you’re back in business.

Are marker parties and toga throwdowns out-of-style? Looking for something with more bite?

Get on board with a werewolf party!

L. Vincent Poupard rolls out this idea for Associated Content.

First things first, when do you throw this one? During a full moon! Check your lunar calendar and mark the date.

And here’s how to do it:

You can either have everyone dress up as a werewolf, or you can choose one person in particular to be the werewolf. This can make the party into a party that is similar to a murder mystery. The goal of the guests is to determine who the previously selected werewolf is.

You can act as a main character who can help the guests, and deter them from finding out who the actual werewolf is. Many guests will remember this for years.

Check Poupard’s article for more ideas.

Anyone can stand on their head for a kegstand and then puke all over themselves. Learn some real party tricks.

Mindfreak sorcerer Criss Angel  has got a secret to drop all the jaws at the party – the disappearing TOOTHPICK!!!! Dun Dun Dunnnn.

[metacafe]http://www.metacafe.com/watch/104102/criss_angels_party_trick/[/metacafe]

Hey homies. I know you all don’t all have a ton of money. NEITHER DO I!

And I bet you got someone to impress right? Like that hottie from the Ambercrombie store? Lame. But whatever, you have to get them talking to you with a straight face and convince them you know what high society is!

One way to solve the situation that is to drink on the cheap. You don’t lose a whole lot of money and you end up forgetting your dead broke and the Ambercrombie clerk is looking at you funny.

And here’s how to do it: Gin & Tonic.

Not only can you get smashed for pennies, er, dollars, but you get to show a little class.

Here’s what you need to do:
1. Get a glass.
3. Throw in some rocks (ice)
3. Pour two oz. of Gin into it. (get a alcohol strainer and count to 2, that’ll do ya)
4. Pour in three oz. of tonic water.

If you want to stay in the bottom of the barrel, pick up a bottle of Seagrams, not Seagrams 7, we’re talking lowest shelf here. It might even come in a plastic bottle.

You can also pick up a 2-liter bottle of crappy tonic water at Wal-Mart for about $0.89 – How can you beat that.

All in all, you can live the high life for under $10.

Tip: If you can’t handle the snap, crackle and pop of the soda, squeeze in a lemon or lime wedge. You’ll think your drinking Sprite in no time. Now, that’s sublymonal!