Challenge: You’re in a deserted bar, who would you call?

It’s almost impossible these days to actually end up on a deserted island. But what isn’t far from the norm is ending up in an empty bar with a low bars on the cell phone.

It’s Wednesday, and you’re trying to build your tolerance before this weekend’s bash. But lo and behold, you’ve arrived in no man’s land. IT’S WEDNESDAY!!1!one1

C’mon, Drinky McDrinkster. Of course no one is at the bar. The dream team ain’t coming.

Now you have enough juice on your Nokia to call one person, who’s it going to be?

Here’s a few options:
1. Your mom. Every mother wants to spend a little extra time with their offspring. If you’re lucky, you’ve made it to an Irish bar and everyone is drunk so you won’t stand out when you spit up the fish and chips.

2. Barack Obama. Looking to score some liberal hottie with the pickins’ are skimpy. Give Barack a call, just make sure you’re packing a razor.

3. Simon Crowell. Get free drinks thrown in your face all night with this guy. If nothing else, that man just paid like $10M in taxes last year. You know he has money - shank him and leave him with the bill.

4. The guy who did the voiceovers on ‘The Wonder Years’. Not Fred Savage. I’m talking about the guy who let us know Freddie’s innermost secrets. Let this guy tell the world what you’re thinking as you wallow in self-pity at the lack of friends you have.

5. That new girl from the Victoria’s Secret Wings commercials. Anyone got her number? Cot damn she’s hot.

6. Your AA buddy. Really, you both can admit you’re not giving up drinking. You’re at the damn bar. Slam a few bottles of Jack, then take pictures of your crotch and send them to your ex.

Got any better ideas?